Aware Parenting
Aware parenting is a compassionate and mindful approach to raising children that focuses on understanding and responding to their emotional and developmental needs. Developed by Dr. Aletha Solter, this philosophy integrates attachment parenting principles with an emphasis on emotional awareness and healing. Key aspects of aware parenting include:
Emotional Connection: Building a deep emotional bond with your child by being present, attentive, and responsive to their feelings and needs. This involves recognising and validating their emotions rather than dismissing or minimising them.
Non-punitive Discipline: Avoiding punitive measures such as spanking, time-outs, or harsh punishments. Instead, aware parenting advocates for gentle guidance, setting clear boundaries, and using natural and logical consequences to teach children about responsibility and empathy.
Understanding Behaviour: Viewing children's behaviours as expressions of their underlying needs and emotions. Aware parenting encourages parents to look beyond the behaviour to understand what their child is trying to communicate and to address the root causes.
Empathy and Active Listening: Practicing active listening and empathy to create a safe space for children to express themselves. This helps children feel heard and understood, which fosters trust and emotional security.
Healing from Stress and Trauma: Recognising the impact of stress and trauma on children's behaviour and emotional well-being. Aware parenting includes techniques for helping children process and release stress through play, crying, and laughter in a supportive environment.
Respect for the Child's Autonomy: Honouring children's individuality and respecting their autonomy. This involves giving them choices, involving them in decision-making processes, and supporting their independence while providing appropriate guidance.
Nurturing Attachment: Promoting secure attachment by being emotionally available and responsive, engaging in physical closeness, and maintaining a consistent, loving presence in the child's life.
Aware parenting aims to raise emotionally healthy, compassionate, and resilient children. By fostering a nurturing and understanding environment, parents can support their children's overall development and well-being, helping them grow into confident and empathetic individuals.
Here are some resources for aware parenting, including books, websites, and organisations that can provide valuable information and support:
Books
1. “The Aware Baby" by Aletha Solter**
- This book introduces the principles of aware parenting, focusing on understanding and responding to a baby's needs and emotions.
2. "Tears and Tantrums: What to Do When Babies and Children Cry" by Aletha Solter
- This book explains the importance of crying for emotional release and provides strategies for supporting children through their emotional outbursts.
3. "Attachment Play: How to Solve Children's Behaviour Problems with Play, Laughter, and Connection" by Aletha Solter
- This book offers practical techniques for using play to strengthen the parent-child bond and address behavioural issues.
4. The Emotional Life of Babies: Find closeness, presence and sleep for you and your baby with this compassionate approach to crying by Marion Rose
- The Emotional Life of Babies explains how crying isn't only a way for babies to communicate their needs. It's also how they heal from daily stresses and larger trauma, as long as we are holding them with compassionate presence. In this way, babies can return to deep relaxation, leading to more restful and restorative sleep.
5. I'm Here and I'm Listening : Empathic and empowering responses to needs, feelings, and behaviours with Aware Parenting by Marion Rose
- Imagine knowing exactly how you can help your child feel deeply relaxed, so that they are cooperative and gentle and sleep peacefully. In this compassionate book for parents of 1-8 year olds, you'll understand the attachment-based, trauma-informed, reasons behind children’s behaviour.
Websites and Organisations
- The official website of the Aware Parenting Institute, founded by Dr. Aletha Solter, offers articles, resources, and a directory of certified aware parenting instructors.
- An organisation that provides support and resources for parents, focusing on building strong emotional connections with children through listening and play.
3. La Leche League International
- A global organisation offering support, resources, and information on breastfeeding, which aligns with the attachment and aware parenting philosophies.
- A UK-based organisation providing resources, support, and a community for parents interested in attachment and aware parenting.
- A website offering articles and resources on various aspects of natural and aware parenting, including emotional connection and non-punitive discipline.
6. Parenting for a Peaceful World
- A resource focusing on peaceful and conscious parenting, promoting emotional awareness and non-punitive discipline.
These resources can provide valuable insights and practical guidance for parents interested in adopting aware parenting practices.
Attachment parenting
Attachment parenting is a philosophy and approach to child-rearing that emphasises nurturing the bond between parent and child. It was popularised by Dr. William Sears and his wife, Martha Sears, a registered nurse, through their books and teachings. Here are the key principles and concepts of attachment parenting:
Birth Bonding: Building a strong emotional connection with the baby right from birth through practices such as skin-to-skin contact, breastfeeding, and rooming-in (keeping the baby in the same room as the parents).
Breastfeeding: Encouraging breastfeeding not only for its nutritional benefits but also for its role in creating a deep emotional bond and providing comfort to the baby.
Babywearing: Using slings or baby carriers to keep the baby close to the parent, promoting physical closeness and allowing the parent to be responsive to the baby's needs.
Bedding Close to Baby: Co-sleeping or having the baby sleep in close proximity to the parents to foster a sense of security and enable quick responses to the baby's needs.
Belief in the Language Value of Your Baby’s Cry: Understanding that a baby's cry is a form of communication and responding promptly and sensitively to it, rather than letting the baby "cry it out."
Beware of Baby Trainers: Being cautious of advice that advocates strict routines or sleep training methods that may undermine the parent-child bond.
Balance: Finding a balance between meeting the needs of the baby and the well-being of the parents. This includes taking care of one's own health and maintaining the marital relationship.
Attachment parenting advocates for being attuned to the child's needs and responding with sensitivity and empathy. The goal is to build a strong, secure attachment that promotes the child's emotional and social development. This approach is based on the belief that a strong parent-child bond leads to a more confident, independent, and emotionally healthy child.
Resources
Here are some influential figures in the field of attachment parenting:
Dr. William Sears - Often considered the father of attachment parenting, Dr. Sears has written numerous books on the subject, including "The Baby Book" and "Attachment Parenting: Instinctive Care for Your Baby and Young Child."
Martha Sears - A registered nurse and co-author with her husband, Dr. William Sears, Martha Sears provides practical insights and advice on attachment parenting.
Dr. Laura Markham - A clinical psychologist and the author of "Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting," Dr. Markham offers evidence-based parenting advice grounded in attachment theory.
Dr. Gordon Neufeld - A developmental psychologist known for his work on attachment and developmental psychology. He co-authored "Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers" with Dr. Gabor Maté.
Dr. Gabor Maté - A physician and author who writes about the impact of early attachment on physical and mental health. His work often intersects with attachment parenting principles.
Lysa Parker and Barbara Nicholson - Founders of Attachment Parenting International (API) and authors of "Attached at the Heart: Eight Proven Parenting Principles for Raising Connected and Compassionate Children."
Janet Lansbury - An author and parenting expert who focuses on respectful parenting, which aligns closely with attachment parenting. She has written books such as "No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame."
Deborah Carlisle Solomon- An expert on the RIE (Resources for Infant Educarers) approach, which emphasizes respectful interactions and attachment. She is the author of "Baby Knows Best."
Following these individuals on social media, reading their books, and exploring their websites can provide valuable insights and support for those interested in attachment parenting.
Restorative parenting
Dr. Laura Markham - A clinical psychologist and the author of "Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids," Dr. Markham offers guidance on positive parenting practices that align with restorative principles.
Dr. Daniel Siegel - A clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine and author of books like "The Whole-Brain Child" and "Parenting from the Inside Out." His work emphasises the importance of nurturing relationships and emotional intelligence.
Ross Greene - The author of "The Explosive Child" and developer of the Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) model. His approach focuses on solving problems collaboratively and restoratively with children.
Jane Nelsen - A psychologist and the author of the "Positive Discipline" series. Her work provides practical tools for creating respectful and restorative family environments.
Alfie Kohn - An education and parenting expert known for his criticism of traditional discipline methods. His book "Unconditional Parenting" advocates for parenting practices based on love and respect rather than rewards and punishments.
Lori Petro - The founder of Teach Through Love, an organisation dedicated to promoting conscious and restorative parenting. She offers resources and workshops on effective communication and conflict resolution with children.
Pam Leo - An author and parent educator who wrote "Connection Parenting." Her approach emphasizes the importance of emotional connection and empathy in parenting.
Dr. Shefali Tsabary - A clinical psychologist and author of "The Conscious Parent" and "The Awakened Family." She focuses on mindful and conscious parenting practices that promote healing and connection.